Tales From the Backpack
by meganichan04
Summary: Everyone's favorite half demon doggie learns the hard way not to go through Kagome's backpack....
1. Tale 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own InuYasha or any of the other characters mentioned herein...though if I did, I would pick Kirara, because she is adorable.

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

Late evening sunlight filtered down through the tall trees of the feudal era forest, splashing a dappled pattern across the ground. Disturbed from their rest, a flock of white birds took flight, startled by the sudden emergence of two teenaged girls from the ancient wooden well below.

"Thanks for coming to get me, Sango," Kagome smiled, pulling herself out of the Bone Eater's well. "I totally lost track of time. Studying and all that, you know."

"It was no trouble at all," the demon slayer said, climbing out behind her friend. "We just got concerned when you weren't back by the time you said you would be. Besides, I never get tired of visiting your world, Kagome. There's so much to see!"

"And so much to eat!" InuYasha effortlessly hoisted Kagome's enormous backpack out of the well, purposefully dropping it on Shippo's tail. "Alright, Kagome, you know what time it is. Time for you to whip me up some ramen! I'm starving!"

"Grrrr….sit, boy!" Kagome scooped up the wailing kitsune as InuYasha did a face-plant in the dirt. "Will you ever learn, you jerk?"

"That was indeed extremely rude, InuYasha." Still on the ground, the half-demon flinched as Miroku's staff made contact with the region between his furry puppy ears. "Lady Kagome has been back in our world for less than a minute. You could at least consider a proper greeting before you demand that she make you dinner."

"Yeah, ya meanie." Shippo made a nasty face at the glowering dog-demon from the safety of Kagome's arms.

"What's the big deal?" InuYasha snarled, pulling himself upright at last. "I was just hungry! Is that a crime nowadays?"

"In any case, InuYasha," Kagome sniffed disdainfully, "I brought you fifteen bowls of ramen, but you're not tasting one noodle until you learn some decent manners!"

"Hey, that's not fair!" InuYasha howled as Kagome and the others set off toward the village, taking the backpack, and thus his ramen, with them. "Kagome, you evil wench! Bring back that ramen!" He bounded after them, but landed directly in the well. "Curse you!"

**O.O.O.O.O**

Later that night…

A fluffy white head cautiously peeked around the corner of the hut used by Lady Kaede. The coast was clear.

InuYasha quickly scooted around to the front of the hut and dove inside. He only had a short time before the girls and the old hag came back from the hot spring to get what he was after. A feral, fanged smile spread across his features as he slunk over to Kagome's backpack, abandoned in a corner of the hut.

"It's ramen time!"

A stray moonbeam from the open door lit his way as he pulled open the large backpack and began to dig. Clothes, shoes, makeup, hairspray—all were thrown carelessly over his shoulder as the half-demon searched for his favorite snack. He pulled forth a stick of deodorant, sniffed it, licked it, and promptly dropped it with a grimace. Textbooks, pencils, and homework assignments were haphazardly tossed all over the tiny hut as InuYasha dug ever deeper for the cheap, yet tasty, noodles.

Finally, just when he was sure there was no ramen after all, InuYasha spied what he was after. With a tiny yip of happiness, he grabbed the Styrofoam bowl and hugged it to his chest. Fourteen identical bowls soon followed the first until a large stack of them rested beside the half-demon. Deeply satisfied, InuYasha gathered them up and began to retreat into the night with his prize. He had them all, he was turning to leave… when he saw it. Something shiny at the bottom of the ransacked backpack.

"Oooh… what's this?"

Setting down his ramen, the dog-demon slowly reached into the bag and pulled out a large, circular, and above all shiny, object. It was rather heavy, and his claws made a scratching sound as he handled this new curiosity. Its front was covered with tiny numbers in a circle all the way around. It had two tiny legs, little knobs sticking out the back side, and, on top, two large bells.

InuYasha's ears twitched. Kagome had once told him of tiny boxes that could make music when someone twisted the stem on the bottom. He'd never put much stock in Kagome's futuristic stories being true, and this thing he held didn't look much like a box at all, but his curiosity got the best of him and he decided to give it a shot. Carefully he took a hold of the knob on the back of the object and twisted gently. There was a small click, but nothing else.

Frowning, he twisted harder. More clicking, but nothing that could be called music. Several more times he twisted the knob around, until finally it refused to turn any more. The frustrated dog-demon finally placed the shiny object on the ground next to the bag. It was really more trouble than it was worth, and, anyway, he had to make his getaway with the precious ramen.

Scooping up the bowls once more, InuYasha gave the mysterious toy one last glance. The full moon, round and delicious as a dumpling, was reflected in its glass-covered face.

Dropping the ramen, InuYasha scrambled over. He _had_ to get the toy to work.

Growling softly, he pawed and pushed and pressed, thoroughly investigating the object all over. At last, he spied a small button on the top, between the silver bells.

"Finally!" Placing the softly shining toy on the ground in the center of the moonbeam for the best effect, InuYasha pushed the button.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg!

"Gyaaah!" The dog-demon scrambled backwards as the earth shattering sound split the calm night air. He stared wide-eyed at the object as it clattered its way across the floor of the hut like a thing possessed. Suddenly regaining his wits, InuYasha pounced in a frantic attempt to stop the horrendous noise.

No dice. After a few seconds of futile effort, the half-demon knew what he had to do. Dropping the clock like a hot brick, he whipped out Tetsusaiga and proceeded to beat the obnoxious thing into tiny pieces. However, even this extreme method could not silence it completely. It continued to vibrate and shudder, making a noise similar to that of a large bullfrog being slowly squished beneath a wagon. Tossing away Tetsusaiga, InuYasha dove on what was left of the clock, crushing it into the floor of the hut with his weight. At last, the noise stopped.

"Whew!" InuYasha's ears drooped with relief. That was definitely the last time he'd mess with any of Kagome's freaky futuristic devices. Slowly removing one clawed hand from the mess of metal and gears underneath him, he reached for one of the bowls of ramen.

"Inu_YASHA_!"

The dog-demon's furry ears fell flat against his skull. He rolled his golden eyes heavenward with a loud and obvious gulp as a large and incredibly menacing shadow fell over him. There in her pajamas in the doorway stood Kagome, fire in her eyes as she beheld the half-demon crouched like a mother bird on top of the remains of her alarm clock.

"Oh, my." Sango, appearing behind the irate schoolgirl, covered her mouth with one hand as she noticed that her friend's belongings had been strewn all about the tiny hut in their absence.

"Um, Kagome!" InuYasha laughed nervously, an enormous sweat-drop appearing beside his furry head. "I can, uh, explain…?"

"InuYasha… SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT!"

**O.O.O.O.O**

To Be Continued…


	2. Tale 2

**Author's Note:** Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I was a little nervous since it was my first time posting anything, but you have all allied my fears. This means that you shall receive more fics, InuYasha and otherwise, whether you want them or not. You have been warned. Also thanks to my best girl Jay-chan, without whom I couldn't have posted the first chapter in the first place…

**Disclaimer:** As previously stated, I do not own InuYasha or any of the other characters mentioned in this story…not even Kirara. (sniffle) Too bad.

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

It was early afternoon in the feudal era forest. Giant, puffy cotton clouds floated lazily across the blue sky, casting welcome shade for a small group of travelers leaving the dusty road behind in favor of the cool trees. They stopped in a tiny clearing just inside the forest, more than ready for a rest.

"Oh, it's such a gorgeous day!" Kagome sighed happily, raising her arms over her head and stretching as hard as she could. Near her feet, Shippo stretched as well, imitating Kagome as he always did. The schoolgirl smiled. It was almost like having another little brother, just in the feudal era. She giggled as the tiny kitsune let out an enormous yawn.

"Feh. What have you got to be tired about, fox? You've been riding on someone's head all day!"

Kagome's cheerful expression immediately soured. Leave it to InuYasha to ruin the moment. The half-demon had been sulking all morning. "Leave him alone, InuYasha. It's not his fault he has tiny legs. He gets tired easily."

"Yeah." Insulted, Shippo directed a raspberry and the all-powerful stink eye at the scowling dog-demon. "And it's not my fault you got caught doing something stupid, either, so—waaaugh!"

"Shut up, you rotten little runt!" Snarling ferociously, InuYasha lunged after Shippo, who had already taken refuge behind Kagome. "I told you we were never gonna mention that again!"

"Sit, boy." Kagome heaved a much put-upon sigh as the angry half-demon got up-close and personal with some dirt, small rocks, and a few tiny insects. "Alright, you two. InuYasha, don't pick on Shippo. Shippo, don't antagonize InuYasha. That includes saying anything about my clock. Agreed?"

"Okay! Can we have lunch now?" Seeming to have already forgotten what the problem was, the fox-demon jumped off Kagome's shoulder and sprinted toward the two other members of the party, who had been ignoring the whole episode. "Sango, Miroku, do you wanna have lunch yet?"

"Oh, are the three of you finished?" Miroku looked up from polishing the rings on his staff. "Yes, I think lunch is a wonderful idea. How about you, Lady Sango?"

Sango stretched, removing Kirara from her lap and getting up off the rock she had been sitting on. "Absolutely. Um, Kagome… is InuYasha alright?" The dog-demon was still facedown in the dirt, making some very threatening (though somewhat muffled) growling and snarling sounds.

Kagome sighed again. "He's still mad about last night. And I think I might have added insult to injury when I asked him to carry my bag… Oh, well. He's InuYasha. He'll be over it in no time if we just leave him be for a while."

"As you say, Kagome." Sango left the conversation at that and crossed the clearing to set down her boomerang bone next to Kagome's backpack, lying next to a tree where InuYasha had dropped it. "So, what is there for lunch? Other than ramen."

InuYasha's furry ears perked, then drooped as his companions began to discuss plans for lunch that did not include his beloved ramen. Pulling himself up out of the dust, he began to inch toward the trees, growling softly. What was it going to take to get some of those blasted noodles?! He leapt lightly onto a promising branch. The fiasco from the night before kept coming back to haunt him at the rate of about once every five minutes; not only was he a hungry hanyou, but also one whose pride had been miffed.

"InuYasha!" Kagome's voice suddenly brought the dog-demon back to the present. "We've decided to go back to the river we just crossed. Miroku thinks he can get us some fresh fish for lunch. Do you want to come with us?"

InuYasha pointedly ignored the rumbling in his stomach and sneered down at her. "No thanks. I've got better things to do."

"Uh-huh." Kagome raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. "Such as…?"

"Feh. None of your business."

"Alright, fine." Shrugging, she turned to go, calling back to the foul-tempered beast in the tree as she did so. "We'll bring you back a fish, so the least you can do is make a fire while we're gone, okay?" There was no answer from the tree but a bad-tempered rustling in the leaves. "_Okay?_"

"Feh."

Making a strangling motion in the air with both hands, Kagome stalked off after Sango, muttering to herself. "Just go ahead and keep it up, buster. I'll sit you so far into the ground you'll be able to shake hands with the tree roots!"

"See you later, InuYasha," Miroku called, scooping Shippo onto his shoulder and following the girls. He got no answer, but then, he hadn't been expecting one. "I hope he has the good sense not to do anything foolish while we're gone…"

"You don't think he's gonna go after Kagome's ramen again, do you?" Shippo asked, darting a glance back at the apparently-empty tree.

"Well, Shippo, there's always that possibility. However, after last night, I don't think even InuYasha would be that stupid." Snickering quietly, monk and kitsune vanished into the trees.

**O.O.O.O.O**

InuYasha waited a full five minutes before coming down from the tree. He looked cautiously all around, and even followed their trail part of the way to the river to make sure they had really gone. At last, certain he was alone, the half-demon headed straight for the unguarded backpack. Sulking in the tree, he had come up with the perfect plan. Kagome had asked him to build a fire. To build a fire quickly, he needed matches. The matchbox was in Kagome's backpack.

Grinning evilly to himself, InuYasha opened the backpack. Oh, he would get the matches and start their fire, sure enough. But he would also get some ramen while he was at it. And he wouldn't try to take all of it this time, either. Just one bowl, and he could disappear into the forest with the evidence. When the others returned from the river they would find a fire burning and hot water ready, and be none the wiser.

"It's not like Kagome's actually gonna count the ramen," he reasoned to himself, pulling out the matches. "She'd never miss one little bowl. Ah, now I need wood!"

Sprinting into the trees, he soon returned with an armload of sticks and twigs. Tossing them down haphazardly on the ground in the center of the clearing, he pulled out a match and soon had a reasonable facsimile of a cook fire going. Pouring several bottles of the crew's drinking water into a small kettle, he placed it on the fire to boil and leapt on the backpack.

"Oh, ramen? Where are you, my tasty little treat? A-ha!" Pawing his way past a toothbrush, a hand mirror, and a pair of panties with a chibi bunny-rabbit pattern, InuYasha grabbed a bowl and pulled it out. He held it up to his face, sniffing deeply.

Ah, this one was pork flavored. He could smell it right through the Styrofoam. Licking his lips, the hanyou returned to the fire and pulled the paper top off the bowl. Any minute now, the water would be ready and victory would be his.

Leaving the bowl on a rock next to the fire, InuYasha went back over to the backpack. After all, he needed chopsticks to eat his ramen. Reaching into the bag once more, though, he had a thought. Mightn't he just take one more bowl…? Pork ramen was delicious, but then, so was shrimp ramen. And who could forget chicken flavored ramen? It was cruel to take just one flavor. Telling himself this, the dog-demon stuck his hand back into the backpack.

"Huh?" The object his hand closed around was definitely not a bowl of ramen. Curious, he pulled it out. "What in the world…?"

The thing was round and flat, as large as his hand when he spread his fingers, with buttons all around the edge. A careful sniff proved it to be made of the same odd material as Kagome's hairbrush; plastic, and blue as a clear summer sky. But what was it?

Turning it in a slow circle, InuYasha realized that what he held was not the object in its entirety. A long cord was connected to its side, trailing back down into the depths of the backpack. A quick tug brought the end of the cable to light. As he held up the forked end of the cord, the two tiny plastic pieces bumped together with a clink. Now he knew what the object was.

On one of his few visits to Kagome's time he had seen many people—more people than he had once thought possible—milling on the sidewalks and streets. And some of them, he recalled, had carried objects just like this with (it had seemed to him) a great deal of pleasure. Now, if he remembered right, the two little pieces went… He glanced quickly around. There was still no sign of Kagome or the others. Satisfied, the half-demon stuffed the plastic pieces in his ears.

"Let's see what this thing does…" Surely, if the pieces went in the ears, sound must be involved. He wasn't sure how, but he meant to find out. Completely forgetting his vow of abstinence from all curiosity-arousing future devices, InuYasha began to push buttons.

"_THE WARDEN THREW A PARTY AT THE COUNTY JAIL—"_

"GYAAAAAHH!" Scratching frantically at his head, InuYasha grabbed hold of the cables and ripped the speakers out of his sensitive canine ears, cutting off the insanely loud music. He shook his head violently, trying to stop the ringing in his skull. People actually _enjoyed_ subjecting themselves to this! Maybe there was some trick to it he just wasn't seeing…

Very carefully, and at a safe distance from his ears, the dog-demon picked up the speakers. The music still blared. Pushing more buttons seemed like a viable option, and soon yielded up a bit of success in the form of a knob that moved back and forth. With it went the volume of the music.

"Feh, this isn't so hard! I can handle this!" Grinning smugly to himself, InuYasha adjusted the volume to a decent level and replaced the speakers in his ears. He felt quite smart and wanted to play with the new toy some more. In moments he had figured out how to change songs.

"_We're caught in a trap… I can't walk out… because I love you too much, Baby…"_

"_Well since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell…"_

"_You look like an angel… walk like an angel… talk like an angel…"_

Grinning hugely, InuYasha pushed the button over and over, listening to the first few seconds of each song, then moving on. Unbeknownst to him, he was reaching the end of the CD when… the hanyou found a song that spoke to his soul.

"_You ain't nothin' but a hound dog… cryin' all the time…_

_You ain't nothin' but a hound dog… cryin' all the time…"_

InuYasha's golden eyes opened wide. What was going on? The music was doing something strange to his leg! Without his conscious permission, his foot began to tap the grassy ground, almost as if someone were scratching the magic itchy spot behind his left ear.

"_Well they said you was high class… but that was just a lie…_

_Yeah they said you was high class… but that was just a lie…_

_You ain't never caught a rabbit, and you ain't no friend of mine!"_

Although he felt a bit sorry for the hound dog in question, InuYasha felt himself smiling like a fool as the background singers began to bay like a pack of coonhounds on the trail of a Kibbles 'n' Bits truck. Before he even knew what he was doing, the half-demon was bounding around the clearing, moving his body to the music and snapping his clawed fingers in time with the beat. This was amazing! Why on earth hadn't he ever seen Kagome playing with this wonderful toy?

"_They said you was high class… but that was just a lie…_

_Yeah they said you was high class… but that was just a lie…_

_Well you ain't never caught a rabbit… and you ain't no friend of mine!_

_You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!"_

As the drums beat out an enthusiastic finish, InuYasha spun twice in the middle of the clearing, flailing his arms like a lunatic, and fell onto his back in the grass, giggling like a tickled pup. He stared up through the branches that reached out over the clearing, trying to remember when he'd last had so much fun. Other than slaughtering problem demons, nothing came to mind. He was reaching for the CD player, ready to listen to his song again, and perhaps even again, when he heard it. A muted sound from somewhere behind him.

Almost afraid of what he might see, InuYasha tilted his head back, staring upside-down across the clearing. There, slack-jawed and speechless, stood his traveling companions. The hanyou did his best to keep his features even, though he knew he must be redder than his rat-fur robe. "What?"

Kagome was the first to break down. She laughed until she was bent double and tears streamed down her face. Shippo fell over and began to roll on the ground at her feet in his hilarity, holding his sides tightly.

"Oh. My. Kami-sama." Sango hurriedly raised a hand to cover her mouth, but couldn't quite dam the flow of giggles that was beginning to stream forth. In moments she was laughing freely, and in a few more was forced to lean against a super-sized Kirara for support as her entire body shook with mirth. The cat-demon simply stared at InuYasha blankly, a string of still-glistening fish hanging from her jaws.

"InuYasha." Surprisingly, Miroku was the only one not laughing. He slowly crossed the clearing until stood in front of the glowering, blushing hanyou. "InuYasha, have you been possessed? Do you require me to perform an exorcism?"

"SHUT UP!" Howling with fury and embarrassment, InuYasha took a swing that left the insanely laughing monk on his back in the dirt. Forgetting even his precious bowl of ramen next to the fire, the mortified dog-demon sprinted for the trees. As he rapidly made tracks away from the scene, however, he could hear Kagome's breathless, giggly comment to Sango.

"Sango, re…remind me to—tee-hee-hee!—to let InuYasha get into muh…my stuff—bwa-ha-ha!—more off…more often! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

**O.O.O.O.O**

To Be Concluded…

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

**(One more) Disclaimer:** I also do not own any of Mr. Presley's songs—though I do enjoy them whenever they come on the radio.


	3. Tale 3

**Author's Note:** Well, well… we're on chapter three already? Time sure flies during summer break. However, unless I suddenly become divinely inspired, I think this is going to be the last chapter of this particular story. There comes a time when you just have to stop, unless you want to lose the humor and just sound dumb. Anyway, thank you a godzillion times over to my wonderful reviewers! I couldn't do it without you.

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own InuYasha or any of the other characters here mentioned. And if I did, I don't think I could bring myself to share Kirara.

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

The night was crisp and clear, a half moon and a million tiny stars casting their pale glow over the feudal era forest. InuYasha bounded through the trees, unhindered by the darkness of the forest around him. A cool breeze ruffled his long white hair as he paused on a high branch, swiveling his ears back and forth, soaking in the sounds of the night. Suddenly, the ears perked. Someone was coming. The dog-demon crouched low on his branch, waiting.

Out of the darkness appeared two running figures. As they stopped for breath, directly under the tree where InuYasha was perched, the half-demon's golden eyes narrowed. He recognized the slightly furry pair. He sniffed deeply to be sure. Yes, it was them, alright. But what were they doing so far out here in the forest without…?

Suddenly a chill ran down his spine. Pivoting on the branch, InuYasha bounded off into the forest in the direction from whence he had come. He had long ago lost sight of the fire's glow among the trees, but the strong scent of wood smoke led him better than even that guiding light. He had a bad feeling about this.

**O.O.O.O.O**

Upon reaching the campsite he had been spying on for most of the night, the hanyou's worst fears were confirmed. As he edged warily through the trees toward the clearing, he could clearly hear the loud, obnoxious laughter of a certain wolf prince. InuYasha felt ill.

_Oh, please no. Don't let them be telling him about… _A sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, InuYasha quickly hid behind a large flowering bush just outside the ring of firelight.

Inside the camp, Miroku continued his story. "Anyhow, I tried everything in my power to woo the lady, but nothing seemed to work. Then, on my last day in the village, one of the children from the town, not more than four years old he looked, came up to me and said, 'Lord monk, I know what your problem is!' Of course I asked the child why I was having such difficulty, and the little darling looked me right in the eye and said 'She just doesn't like you!'"

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Kouga slapped his thigh and howled with mirth at the monk's tale. "Oh, that's a good one! Kids, you gotta love 'em!"

Behind the bush, InuYasha sighed quietly, relieved. It seemed that Kouga was still unaware of the rather embarrassing events that had taken place over the past few days. Now, if only it would stay that way… His sigh of relief turned quickly to a barley-stifled growl of anger as none other than Kagome passed the chuckling wolf-demon a bowl of hot, steaming ramen. _His _ramen, she was giving away to the mangy wolf!

"Here, Kouga," Kagome said. "You must be hungry. Have some, it's good!"

"Oh, thank you, Kagome. Would it be a bother to you at all to prepare two more bowls? My pack-mates will be along shortly."

"Of course not! Just let me heat some more water."

_Nooooooooo! _Behind the bush, InuYasha did a miniature dance of fury as he heard the hiss of a kettle being placed on the fire and the rip of a paper top being pulled off a bowl of ramen. _That was MINE!_

The wolf-demon happily slurped down the hot noodles, gazing around the camp and into the surrounding woods as he did so. "Ah, this is wonderful, Kagome. It really hits the spot. But there seems to be something different about your pack tonight. Tell me, where is the insolent puppy? I would have thought he would have been here and in my face long ago."

The happy blush that had appeared when Kouga praised her cooking vanished from Kagome's face. She fought down a sweat-drop. "Uh, well… he's, uh, off by himself tonight."

"This'll be the third day he hasn't come back," Shippo put in from across the fire. "When he gets all upset about something he just takes off alone and comes back whenever he feels like it. We never really know where he goes or what he does."

"Probably off practicing his dancing," Miroku whispered covertly to Sango, coaxing out a quickly-stifled squeal of mirth from the demon slayer. The bush directly behind them gave a rapid and somehow pained twitch, then was still again.

"So, what happened this time, Kagome?" Kouga inquired, gulping down the last of the cooling broth in his bowl. "Another fight? A petty argument gone out of control? Is the mutt off chasing that other woman again?"

"Uh, no, nothing of the sort." Kagome tapped her index fingers together, wondering how to phrase her explanation without giving Kouga anything he could taunt InuYasha about. "There was just… uh… sort of an awkward situation, and, uh, he decided to leave for a bit. Nothing serious."

The wolf prince raised a bushy eyebrow. "An 'awkward situation'? Do tell."

Kagome edged away from the wolf-demon, who was edging closer and closer to her in his curiosity. They were almost nose to nose. "Uh, you know Kouga, I'd really rather not if it's all the same to you, so…"

Behind the bush, InuYasha let out a barely audible sigh of relief. It looked like Kagome wasn't going to tell the wolf what a fool he'd made of himself. He'd have to thank her… if he ever got up the nerve to officially come back to camp.

"Don't worry, Kagome!" InuYasha's head jerked up as Shippo's childish voice rang out. "I'll tell him so you don't have to!" Without waiting for a response, the tiny fox-demon began his story. "The other day we were out fishing and when we came back to camp we saw InuYasha—"

InuYasha didn't need to hear any more. He was off and hauling tail in the other direction before the entire sentence left the oblivious little kitsune's motor mouth. _Kami, I'm gonna KILL that little runt! _

Determined to get himself as far from the others as possible, InuYasha ran into the very thickest part of the forest. Unwilling to pause in his retreat, the hanyou only called a halt when he ran up against a wide river that fell off into a large waterfall not far from where he had emerged from the trees. Well, it wasn't quite as far away as he would have liked, but he supposed it would do. He couldn't see, smell, or, most importantly, hear anything this far away from the camp.

Flopping morosely onto the grass, the dog-demon sighed deeply. Well, that settled it. His life was officially over, his reputation on its way to the blazing pits of hell. Once Kouga knew of his embarrassing antics with Kagome's "modern day" toys, word would spread like wildfire—possibly even faster, knowing the mangy wolf's speed. InuYasha groaned, letting his face fall into clawed hands.

Kaede and the other villagers would know. Kikyo would know. Hell, even _Kagura and Naraku_ would know! Oh, and when Sessho-maru found out he would probably laugh until his ridiculous fluffy tail exploded. The hanyou imagined challenging a vicious demon, only to have it keel over before he even drew Tetsusaiga, consumed by a fit of the giggles. Somehow, fighting demons with a sack over his head for the rest of his life seemed less than appealing.

The hanyou gnawed absently at a split claw as he pondered his options. How could he prevent this most severe embarrassment? The most logical choice would be to silence the ones who might share the unsavory information, namely the wolf, the shrimp-fox, and possibly the monk. Permanently, if need be. However, though he felt that he could cheerfully rend the lousy lupine limb from limb, his conscience would never allow him to harm Shippo or Miroku, however much he might be tempted to. So killing the miscreants was out of the question.

InuYasha glanced up at the moon, almost wishing it were new. If he were caught in his vulnerable human form, then possibly some hungry demon might happen by and nibble his head off, mercifully easing his pain.

Perhaps he could simply disappear. He had heard that there were plenty of demons in China. Maybe he could go there, far from idiot wolves and women who taunted him with strange objects that shouldn't even exist in this time. But leaving the country meant no more ramen. Never again would he be able to enjoy his favorite treat, ready in three minutes flat. What to do?

Well. Whatever he did, he wasn't going to do it without having one last small revenge. Exactly what that revenge was, he had no idea, but he trusted that it would come to him when the time was right. He had only to wait until the others fell asleep…

**O.O.O.O.O**

Several hours later, in the dead of the night, a silent patch of darkness crept into camp, carefully avoiding the scant light provided by the softly glowing embers of the dying fire.

InuYasha glanced around, unsure of what exactly he was here for. He could see Kagome nestled in her sleeping bag across what remained of the campfire. Shippo was sprawled out beside her on his back only halfway under the covers, muttering frantically in his sleep about happy hopping acorns, his pompom of a tail twitching spastically. Next to them Sango was snuggled up in Kilala's soft tummy fur, deeply asleep. On the other side of the fire Miroku lay wrapped in his blankets, obliviously drooling all over his own face and the arm he was utilizing as a pillow. Everything seemed normal enough.

It took the dog-demon a bit longer to spot Kouga. The wolf prince was curled in a ball just outside the ring of firelight, clutching his tail and sucking his thumb. Sometime earlier that evening his little traveling pack must have arrived, for wolves were clustered all around him and his two perpetual tagalongs had made themselves comfortable on a worn fur at their prince's feet. The one with the mohawk, InuYasha couldn't remember his name, was doing his best to kick his companion off said fur, with a limited degree of success.

The hanyou grinned evilly. The young monarch of the wolf-demon clan sucked his thumb. How precious. He'd have to tell everyone else… if he decided not to leave, that is. Feh, maybe he'd just go on hiatus for a while and come back in a month or two. That would presumably allow time for everyone to forget what he'd done. InuYasha suddenly let out a muffled growl. Darn it, he shouldn't have to be this concerned about other people knowing about his little jig in the clearing! It was no big deal, really, but here it was driving him to distraction!

_Curse my low self esteem…_ He was beginning to have to fight the desire to plop down in the middle of the sleeping camp and whimper until Kagome woke up and made him some ramen to sooth his frazzled nerves. He shook his head violently. _No! I'm better than that! I don't need anyone to make me feel better!_

He had decided. He was going to leave for a while, and be darn the consequences. He would come back when he felt less likely to maim anyone who embarrassed him. And he was going to get some ramen before he left or die trying. Tiptoeing around his sleeping companions, the hanyou crept over to Kagome's backpack. Slowly, carefully, and quietly as he could, he eased open the flap and pulled out a bowl of noodles. Not bothering to close the backpack or look at anything else contained therein, he began to sneak out of the clearing.

"Where do you think you're going, mutt face?"

InuYasha's hair stood on end for a moment, then relaxed a bit. "Shut up, stupid wolf. Where I go is none of your business."

"Normally I couldn't care less what you do, but when you sneak around our camp in the middle of the night and attempt to slither off with poor, sweet Kagome's ramen, then I make it my business!"

InuYasha's hackles rose further. "_Your _camp? Who died and left you in charge of this clearing, huh?" He had hoped to sound angry and threatening, but the effect was somewhat dampened by the fact that he had to whisper or risk waking up the others.

"Well I should think that _someone_ should be here to protect your pack, since you disappeared into the forest for no apparent reason!" Kouga too was dissatisfied with whispering his taunts, but it was better than nothing. "Tell me, puppy, what was it that made you slink off without your companions? It must be something quite bad for Kagome to not want to tell _me_ about it."

"Oh, quit playing dumb!" the dog-demon hissed, scrounging for the half-full kettle. "I heard Shippo shooting off his big mouth. I know you know what I did, so you can just go ahead and start mocking me and get it over with."

The wolf prince snorted, inclining his head slightly. "For your information, puppy, the little fox was not allowed to inform me of what must surely be your latest stupidity. No sooner had he opened his mouth than Kagome, the demon slayer, and the monk all dove on him and covered it up. So apparently your little secret is safe for now. Unless… _you_ would like to tell me?"

"_Me_ tell you? In your dreams!" A wide grin spread over the hanyou's face. So Kouga really _didn't_ know! He could trust everyone (except the loud-mouth fox) to keep his silliness a secret. Life was suddenly good again. "Get lost, mangy wolf. I'm back now so Kagome's perfectly safe again." Still smiling hugely, InuYasha pulled up the kettle and sat down cross-legged in front of the fire, adding some wood so he could cook up his ramen.

"She would be much safer with me here!" Fur bristling, Kouga stalked over and with great deliberation pushed the kettle over with his foot.

InuYasha laid his ears back as the water destined to cook his ramen gurgled out all over the grass. "Safer, you say, Kouga? I must beg to differ." Kagome would be proud of him, he thought briefly. He was being exceptionally civil under the circumstances.

"At least she can sleep soundly knowing that I am here to watch over her. And will not run away when I get a little flustered!"

The hanyou had to smirk at his ruffled rival. "Maybe, Kouga, but you obviously haven't considered what else she'll get besides a good night's sleep if you stay here."

Confused, the wolf-demon cocked his head slightly.

"Fleas, you filthy animal! You and your dumb wolves must be _swarming_ with them! I bet Kagome's already got about a hundred little buggies crawling all over her…"

Kouga's blue eyes flared briefly red. "You take that back."

"Yep, she'll wake up all itchy and scratching… haven't you ever heard of using soap when you wash? Oh, I forgot! You don't wash at all, do you?"

With a howl of fury, the wolf prince launched himself at InuYasha, who was mentally doing a victory dance at finally goading Kouga to attack him and not the other way around. They hit the ground in a snarling, snapping, scratching swirl of red and brown, white and black. Kouga was unquestionably faster, but InuYasha was stronger, so the two were pretty evenly matched as they tumbled around the clearing, each trying to teach the other a painful lesson.

InuYasha spared a moment to feel sorry that he couldn't use Tetsusaiga before belting the wolf prince a good one across the nose. Kouga let out a muffled snarl before retaliating with a vicious kick to his opponent's stomach. This sent the hanyou flying backwards to land on Miroku's sleeping form. The monk, considerably startled, fought his way into an upright position, swinging his staff like a madman and knocking a certain deeply sleeping demon slayer in the head. "What's going on?! Where is the enemy?! Huh…? InuYasha…?"

"Hyaa!" Said dog-demon scrambled from Miroku's lap and launched himself at the wolf prince. "Think you can kick me and get away with it, huh?"

"I just did, insolent pup!"

"Ouch! What was that for?!" Sango struggled to her feet, glaring at Miroku and rubbing her head. Kilala quickly morphed into her large form, arched her back, and hissed evilly at the one who dared strike her mistress.

Miroku blanched. "Sango, I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to grope you I swear!"

"I know that, monk," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Why did you hit me? What's going on?"

"Apparently InuYasha has decided to rejoin us."

"You want some of this? Bring it on, mutt! I can take you any day!"

"Oh, is_ that_ why you have a bloody nose and I don't have a scratch?"

"You're goin' down, half-breed!" Kouga took a running leap at his adversary, who managed to dodge at the last second. Carried forward by his own momentum, the wolf-demon slid to a stop next to Kagome's sleeping bag, covering the slumbering girl with pieces of grass and dirt and managing to get one foot tangled in her hair. "Ah, Kagome! Look what you made me do, idiot dog!"

"I think you did it yourself, stupid wolf!"

"Ow! OWW! Hey, leggo!" Still half asleep, Kagome began to struggle against whatever was pulling on her hair. She thrashed, kicked, and flailed her arms, inadvertently pitching Shippo off into the weeds and getting Kouga's foot even more firmly tangled. "Get off me!"

InuYasha laughed and pointed as Kouga hopped up and down on one foot trying vainly to help the priestess-in-training get loose. This was even more entertaining than pawing through Kagome's backpack.

"Shut that hole in your face, you worthless dog-turd!" With a howl of rage Kouga ripped himself free of the confining hair (earning an ear-piercing shriek from Kagome) and hurtled toward the hysterically laughing hanyou, a blur of brown furs and flying black hair bent on homicide. InuYasha sprang nimbly to one side and the wrestling, shoving, and rolling in the dirt continued.

Kagome looked on at the proceedings with an enormous ball of tangled hair taking up one side of her head and an unnaturally calm expression on her face. "And this, Sango, is why we neuter animals in my time."

The battle progressed for several more seconds, watched by all, since the fight had finally awoken the wolves and Kouga's pack-mates. The two stared wide eyed as their master and his rival tried to rip each other a new tail, as it were. Only Shippo remained miraculously asleep, face down in the weeds where he had landed.

Suddenly, Kouga shot out a leg in an attempt to catch InuYasha off guard. He missed by a fraction of an inch, but dodging the blow was too much for the dog-demon and his feet slid out from under him. As he gave a mighty kick to right himself once more, they connected with the backpack. Kagome's eye developed a nasty twitch as, unnoticed by the warring demons, it landed in the fire.

"Oh, my merciful Lord." Miroku quickly clapped his hands together and hung his head as he began a sutra for their poor, doomed souls. Sango scooped Shippo out of the weeds and sprinted for the safety of the woods, followed by Kilala, eleven wolves, and two wolf-demons.

By an amazing streak of ill luck, the two combatants didn't notice the sudden silence until it was too late. Kouga was the first to notice that something was amiss. He glanced up in time to see Kagome calmly reaching for a large stick of firewood. "Eh, Kagome? Is something wrong? Um… what are you going to do with…? Kagome, STOP! I'm SORRY!"

"Hold still, Kouga dear… and InuYasha…" she turned to glare at the panicked half-demon who was trying desperately to get out of range "**SIT, SIT, SIIIIIT!"**

Their mournful howls of anguish could be heard throughout the forest for quite a while thereafter. And suffice to say that a certain hanyou, arguably scarred for life, never went near Kagome's possessions again. See, even InuYasha learns eventually.

**O.O.O.O.O**

**-owari**


End file.
